Freedom from…

Instantánea 1 (26-10-2017 13-39)…Take your pick these days : Freedom from opression, freedom from harassment, freedom from this, freedom from that – the list is endless.

In my case it’s freedom from too much thinking, as I contemplate what indeed I am going to write in this post.  As always, the muse is never far away – “Freedom from hesitation?”, comes the whimsical whispering of my sub-conscious, and we are off….the pen and I that is….

In my last post I indicated that future postings would be focussing on the ‘everyday living’, as opposed to the ‘everyday living with cancer.’  But since it’s October 25th, and the 16th anniversary of my diagnosis – a quick update on my current state of wellbeing.

The best news is that the enlarged tumour on my neck which I never seem to get around to mentioning, is in fact shrinking by the day.  A few months ago I decided that every time I touched it, I would make an affirmation that it is getting smaller-et voila! – so it is!  I’m more lax with my regime on account of the monthly injections of fulvestrant and the twice weekly laetrile shots.  Added to that now is a return to eating a leaf of Kalanchoe diagremontiana plant everyday (see my post  ‘Catching up and Kalanchoe medicinal plants for cancer’ – https;//….IMG_0978

and 30mg of melatonin every night which takes me deep into slumberland…(No prophetic dreams to report that I can remember.)  I’m still on the daily coffee enemas and ultra healthy diet, a handful of the usual supplements, and a good dose of  ‘alittlebitofwhatIfancy’, now and again, and there we have it…..a reminder that there is no ‘one way’ to cure cancer.  We each must bravely ride on through the many peaks and valleys of our own destiny – calling down the gods with the battlecry of ‘FREEDOM FROM CANCER’……(I can hear the voice of my dear departed mother now saying….’don’t get too carried away Pauline’)….but you know what – these are the times when doors are opening and truth is spilling out all over the planet….So claim yours I say….scream out with the wonder of it all…..the wonder of nature and faith and all things beautiful….Life is too short, and all around us bodies are being crushed……BUT – spirits live on, so let your voice be heard and tell your story!!!

Speaking of riding…a few weeks ago I fulfilled a promise to myself to gallop along the seafront on a horse, and voila – I did!  What an unbelievable achievement that was – a giant white horse at that – Molly!  It’s been a good 10 years since I’ve ridden, and my body was stiff for days, but that feeling of flying through the air, and holding on for dear life, sceaming ‘go Molly go!’ filled my spirit with the stuff of magic, miracles, and possibilities….I was taken back to my 11 year old self who went every Saturday to take care of a giant white horse called Lady, and you know what – I never got to actually ride her, so shy I was to ask.  I meekly mucked out her stable in exchange for a few coppers to pay for future riding lessons elsewhere….FINALLY – 55 years later I was riding a beautiful white horse through the winds of all my past fears and failings!!!


I am the heroine of my own story…

…And like magic my story takes me back as always to Javier.

 Barcelona,                                                                                                                           Catalonia, Spain,                                                                                                               September 2017                                                                                                      

Just as I was thinking I had escaped the heat of the summer, returning to Barcelona in September, proved not to be the case.  Here in Catalonia, heat is the order of the day….both that from the sun, and dare I speak about it – that of the accelerating political crisis.  I missed out on the immediate aftermath of the vote on Brexit, having just left for Italy last year, and thankfully was absent for the recent terrorist attack at Las Ramblas.   I´m not able to vote in Spain,  but I have a deep attachment to the country, obviously with my relationship to Javier, spanning some 47 years.  I can still recall arriving in Plaza Catalunya in the 1970’s during Franco’s regime;  and at 18 years of age heading for the island of Ibiza.  Life was an adventure…that much I knew.

Having travelled all my life – living in 6 different countries, it has become clear to me that I am in fact – in my heart – a citizen of the world – as indeed are we all in reality – borders and walls apart.  With so much unrest in the world, I consider myself lucky to be alive, and with that, determined to fulfil whatever it is that destiny has in store.  It´s healing that my heart has been praying for these past 16 years, but more than ever, I feel that these prayers are not just for my mind, body, and spirit but for that of mother earth with all of our minds, bodies, and spirits living on it!

I’ve been reluctant to write, since my return to Spain, electing instead to enjoy the being in that ‘liminal’ world of ‘betwixt and between’.  As always I’m grateful  to find Javier in good spirits especially after his summer in Asturias.  Talk of the ‘crisis’, is everywhere, and the ‘noise’ around me is something I learn to adapt too, after so much silence.  What soothes my soul though is watching the elderly in the shadows of the ever-expanding  temple of Sagrada Familia –  a reminder of so much of my ‘Spanish life’.  Seeking out the greener areas, it’s the birdsong, and familiar flapping of wings, that keeps me connected to nature, and before long we are on the road again.

Another trip to the Delta del Ebro, where, nestled amidst the renowned bird sanctuary, Shumei’s Natural Agriculture rice project, partnered with Rietvell Organics, is in it’s second year.IMG_0912
Together with Hiro Yamazoe from London’s Shumei center we could document the harvest, on a beautiful sunny day, and momentarily forget the troubles in the world.Instantánea 1 (19-10-2017 16-26)IMG_0966Shumei Rice 2017 - copia

Returning to Barcelona, roads were being closed and manifestations continued……Amidst the furor I managed to meet with my good friend, the writer Valerie Collins.  Having  been born English, and Jewish, at that, then marrying into Catalan society at an early age I value her experience and we spend hours discussing the political situation.  I’m certainly in no position to take sides on the debate, but the conversation inevitably weaves in and out through the personal experiences that impact our lives, and how that inevitably influences our writing. In this way, we are able to glean gems of who we are now and what indeed is our role here on planet earth.

For myself then, I told her that I was unsure of what I should be disclosing in my writing.  I had hinted at this in my last post, feeling less and less inclined to talk about cancer, which was the whole reason I had started blogging in the first place – to invite dialogue and share knowledge on the subject.  As we now have the wonderful forum ‘CANCERUCAN’ on Facebook, I feel confident that there is indeed a wealth of information and true emotional support for anyone seeking help.  More and more I want to concentrate on the plethora of visual images I have been video-taping over the years…and on that note I wish us all well xxx 

Let us have the vision to see, the faith to believe, and the courage to do!